It's official. Thanks to a senate vote English is now the "national language" of the United States. No more bilingual services. And no more lip synching the national anthems at Basketball games: from now on there will be plain clothes policemen going around listening, to make sure that you actually do know the words and deserve to (continue to) be a citizen of this country. And you got to learn English grammar now and work on that offensive accent of yours that show traces of elsewheres which seriously undermine your loyalty to here. With your citizenship application, don't forget to submit evidence to document that you visit a McDonalds establishment at least once a week. Receipts or a picture taken with their clown are examples of acceptable documentation.
Oh, yeah, you'd better know how to spell Mississipy.